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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hurricanes & Earthquakes .... enough already?!?

The east coast of the US seems to have made through this major storm of the century! (did anyone see that movie - one of the only scarey movies I actually liked.) 

Sometimes I think that the media blitz during these events is just annoying chatter that stirs up the average persons emotions and keeps everything stirring.  I feel it is good to be informed.  And then we could move on for a while and come back to be informed again.  Just spending days and nights huddled around the giant TV sets of the world seems somehow a bizzare event in and of itself.  and perhaps I am becoming one of the old people of the world....

My 'friend' Steve "Love Life" Frugate is in southern Maine, I hope to meet up with him when he gets closer.  I got the brakes fixed on my Explorer although I still need a few things done to feel comfortable driving it a long distance.  I have decided to sell this vehicle and use the money to buy a mini-van which I can live more comfortably in - a mini-van having a bit more space.  My income being a Social Security check of $795 a month is the driving force in many of my decisions because I just can't afford many luxuries.  My choice to live Simply and Frugally and to learn as many survival skills as possible definately gives me many advantages.  My experience hiking on the Appalachian Trail, earlier this summer, was an excersize is rustic living out of a backpack.  Owning only what I can carry physically allows me to choose a few nicer pieces as owning a quality piece of equipment or clothing certainly pays off when it is the only one of something you own.  I have bought a couple more items of clothing since being in Maine, because I was cold and my situation changed a lot, having the Explorer lets me carry a few more items too. 

I miss my supportive friends, the ones that know me in a respectful way, those that have taken the time to ask me why I have chosen the things I have or why I have made the decisions I have made.  I do not miss those people who have just assumed or decided who I am or why I did something .... don't miss the judgemental people who have decided that I am "broken" and need fixing either (and of course they are the only ones who can 'fix' me!  --- isn't that a definition of self richeousness? possibly?.... whatever)

When natural disasters strike the world, I, like many others I expect, turn my thoughts to the people who have been most important in my life.   I wonder where they are, if they are alright, if I should call or email, just make contact again.  Sometime I do, sometimes, I just let it go - sometimes the choice to contact is taken out of my control, like with some of my family members who have informed me that I am dead to them... I leave the communication door open a crack and briefly peek out that door only to be reminded that it's not truely open for me.   (yes, there is a story there and I'm not ready to tell it)

I have been so disappointed by the people in my life.  and I am not alone.  We were watching the Chopper's reality show on television last night and Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. have been going through law suits and family 'divorce' .... it is not just my family.  It can be challenging to know who to believe or trust or visit or even to strike up a conversation with.  I like to be social, I just have learned to be quiet (wisdom), watch others actions and listen carefully to others, mostly people talk about themselves even when they think they are talking about others.... I still make mistakes.  These days tho, I don't stay so long... what ever form people ue to talk about others they will eventually talk about me the same way - so if they are drama queen talkers I will eventually be the subject of some drama in their lives.  It's another annoying part of being human...interpersonal relationships...and it's pretty easy to just watch for patterns and to choose what is fairly safe to deal with, then as soon as possible - get more control over my own whatever and get off to myself.  And no I'm not a hermit - I don't like to be alone.  I need alone time, absolutely.  Days alone, nights completely alone in the woods...well, I don't like them, it's scarey when the night animals make sounds or the thunder booms and the lightening flashes - 10 feet away!  I like knowing someone is nearby.  I enjoyed my hiking buddies like The Bear and cliff or "SlowMo" being  a couple hours ahead or a half day behind me on the AT, because I knew eventually we would meet up and have stories to share.  Those are the kinds of friends I need - and appreciate catching up with for a chat, for encouragement, and even for advice.

I feel like I am rambling today.  I am feeling anxious to be on my own although I am at the mercy of others for a little longer because I am waiting for paperwork to come in the mail and waiting for someone to make another couple repairs to my Explorer.  In order to save money, it only makes sense for me to just stay here and wait until my nephew has time to help me out - after, of course, he takes care of the other pressing priorities of his life.  I am reminded of how blessed I am to have a friendly, generous nephew willing and able, with the skills, to help me with a mechanical issue.  So I spend my waiting time, knitting (a gift of bags of yarn & a couple pairs of needles!) and providing transportation back and forth to work for his new wife, who has been accepting her husbands enjoyment of having me visit his house although fairly obviously she doesn't feel quite the same way.  Staying in other people's homes gives me the opportunity to observe how they interact as well.  I find it particularly interesting what things people give priority in their lives.

Anyway that's enough for this morning....
You all have a nice day - thanks for stopping by and don't forget to feed the fish (upper left corner, move your cursor, click and the fish will swim over and eat the food...kinda kewl!)

Keep it Simple,
Simply,
Lesa