Pages

Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Klean Air Kampsite...

A small group of us got a jump on the RTR campsites and are setting up a Klean Air site mostly for health reasons (some breathing n athsma related). 

We are asking others to respect our no smoking, gentle use of campfire, and please leash dogs one of our friends has severe allergies.

I happen to be fairly social and love cooking on a small fire so my van is kind of the wind break for our sitting or gathering area.  You will see our "entrance" of sorts by the solar lighted palm tree...

The first weekend of the month, Saturday the 6th of Jan., as is my habit, I will put on big pot of coffee to share.  Feel free to join me and bring some breakfast item if you feel so inclined.  I dont usually know what breakfast will be until it happens - last month we had a kind of overly toasted (sorry folks) cobbler.

The pictures that follow are the great view and starter campsite

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Personal Traditions - Wednesday Girlie Time

Years ago, while recovering from a nervous breakdown and re-building my lifestyle, I was challenged with the idea of traditions.  Having been raised in the Worldwide Church of God, our view of holidays was rather different from mainstream religons.  As I worked with the subject of traditions, I realized that the holidays of Thanksgiving and Sader dinner (NTBMO to those in the WWCG) were most important to me and I continue to celebrate those in a thoughtful way, even if alone.  After that I realized that traditionscould be many different things, some people have birthday traditions or family vacation traditions so I began developing my own Personal Traditions that I would like to share with my children and others....so I made up my First Weekend per month dinner or breakfast that I would make special and share with others (even by phone or skype); and my Girlie Time on Wednesday.....

What is Girlie Time you may ask...a time for women or girls to share pampering in lighthearted, playfull and even silly ways.  It changes all the time and at times it is private and solitary, like a soak in a hot candlelit bubblebath, with smoothjazz playing, and a glass of sparkling juice or wine.  At other times, like today, it was swapping stories while painting each others nails and having a lucious chocolate treat and meeting other fellow travel women!  I enjoyed sharing my tradtion with the 3 other women here at the pre-RTR Camp.

What did you do to pamper yourself today?

Check out the tootsies!

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Arizona Winds of Change!

I have so much to catch you up on here on the blog.

its amazing how much can happen in 1 week. One short week ago I arrived in Quartzsite Arizona and met Bob and the other RTR campers. I had driven 1250ish miles in 3 days and 2 nites. After hardly driving for a number of years and getting through a very slim financial month of November. I was surprisingly comfortable with the van and even slept well my two nites in Walmart parking lots along the journey.

I think I am adjusting pretty well, I have never been in the desert before. My skin gets dried out, and everything and I mean everything is dirty. On Monday myself, Bob and "crew" moved about 20 miles to Ehrenberg, AZ only a few miles from Blythe, CA. I dont prefer it here as it is more barren and more wide open. It has been windy, especially today as we wonder if the 40-60 percent chance of rain will affect us. There is a lot of dust blowing around.

I am attaching as many photos of my last few weeks...Quartzsite, the mountains I crossed that sent me straight into panic attack mode...and more

Enjoy

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Just another adventure or two...

What a week! Good, satisfying, worrysome and well..just another adventure.

Monday I cleaned and washed dog beds.  I made a natural tick repellant which helped some.  The dogs love to run n play and there are plenty of bugs in the country.

I have been toying with the positive statements and I am statements this week.  That and the idea that we all are one and how does that fit in when we are faced with people who are manipulative or untrustworthy or just unpredictable?  I learned at a rather young age, that arguing or fighting weren't acceptable.  If someone believes something, no one will change thier mind, maybe the Great One will allow them an experiance that might result in a change. But no struggle is worth trying to do the Big Guys job.  I have learned, at the expense even of a physical scar, to relax into times of conflict.  To sit with them and through them.  To take what resonates from the event and to leave the rest.  I try and remember, when faced with personal interaction challenges, to speak what is true for me, to listen with an open mind for what is behind the obvious, to ask "why", and to leave the situation both up to that higher power and to leave it with as much love and respect for the other as I would like to have given to me.  Often, I am misunderstood - which in some way may mean I misunderstand.  Just stuff for thought.

Tuesday's big energy drainer was when I removed the Torsalo or Bot Fly from one of the dogs legs...ewww but hey I did it!  Sorry I didnt get a photo of that one.

Wed and Thurs's big event was buying my van in the US which is challenging at best when doing so from a foriegn country.  We got it. It is a bit different from my original idea, but the price was right and its mechanically sound.  It will need new tires pretty soon but thats pretty minor.  Thank the powers that be that my mechanic loves electrical work and was able to recognize a diamond in the rough.

Fri and Saturday I spent a lot of time researcing van stuff, talking on skype, dodging thunderstorms and mulling over details and money issues.

Sunday the milk lady came, i made a nice big cappachino.  Reminised while watching a friends video that was shared on facebook.  Facebook - which by the way I both love and hate...oh well.  In the early afternoon, sunshining and hot - kerplak! - no warning just an earsplitting kerplak, the dogs yelped and ran for cover.... dry lightening.  that will get your attention thats for sure.

and yesterday Monday.  I made mulberry jelly with the last of the sugar on hand.

pretty good week...enjoy the pictures.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Just cant wait to share...

What lovely surprises this morning, hopefully you can see the pictures. After a stinky nites visit of a skunk waddling through! Thank God the dogs didnt get sprayed. lol. We woke to the beauty of new blossoms and lots of buds...rainy season here will sprout all kinds of interesting things. Anyway the big sprawly plant hanging at the dining area though artistically beautiful in form with its arms and tenicles kinda stumped me as to why it was chosen to decorate a house - you know nice enough but why, and this morning I learned why! The delecate white blossom and 3 other buds to open soon - simply lovely. Okay it was worth watering. (smile) I noticed many buds about ready to bloom this morning, should be interesting to see what surprises of beauty visit next.

I also want to share one of my favorite chuckle-blogs...Sunday is my cappachino day, with or without milk (homemade nut mylk or raw neighbors animal milk), my Sunday morning brew gets cinnamon (sometimes fresh picked-gee I am spoiled in CR). Cappachino in a big mug and Google Reader app on the phone, gives me a morning of catching up with the world that is important to me and kinda reminds me of slow Sunday mornings spent with the big newspaper and Sunday comics! Does this still exist? ... I particularly have been enjoying "ol Jules" at sofarfromheaven.com he is a hoot!

enjoy your Sunday, the pictures of Costa Rican beauty and a chuckle from ol jules
and
Keep It Simple Sweetie!
Simply,
Moi

Friday, September 7, 2012

Earthquakes and mulberries...

This week housesitting life has improved - well clarifying agreements through email do help calm the nerves and I havent seen anymore snakes or unwelcomed critters since Saturday.

Monday I totally forgot was Labor Day until I tried to call my credit union in the states, so I changed plans, fiddled with my SIM cards and internet connections, talked with my son about his new van woohoo and washed my hair!

Tuesday the farm worker came extra early, his ride wasnt available so he had to walk the entire distance and didnt want to be late. A neighbor brought me fresh cows milk so I made comfort food tomato bisque soup for my lunch. I shared lunch catching up with friends online. Then read most of the rainy afternoon.

Wednesday the farm worker arrived at his more normal time. I made a torte of fresh eggs and herbs and shared pejibyes with the dogs for breakfast. Then after taking care of some long overdue business, the table started moving. I felt the earthquake pretty strongly although I havent found any cracks in the cement of this house, i certainly think it was possible. The dogs and I got through it fine. I am more scared of thunder and lightening storms, especially after my Appalacian Trail hiking experience a year ago. I respect lightening and I dont want to be hanging in a hammock between two trees during a major storm again. That is too much stress for this girl. These days I find comfort with the electric power turned off, stuff unplugged, then curl up with the dogs, a book, and the trusty ole earplugs. In the evening Wednesday I made some raw oatmeal balls/cookies to have with my coffee for the next days breakfast.

Thursday I woke up remembering a dream which hasnt happened in some time. It seems that when I am over stimulated and stressed it takes some gentle down time and rest before the more normal processes of things like dreaming and remembering those dreams can kick in. I do prefer a slower more in touch with nature kind of lifestyle. I dread being reintroduced to the busy busy crazy-making pace and consumerism of the USA, that reverse culture shock can be almost crippling initially. Just entering a small store or gas station convience store can be incredibly overwhelming. And then there is language and people well just think differently... Yesterday I also picked some stuff and make a Kickin Marmalade! Whats that? its a cross between a citrus marmalade and a hot pepper jelly. Oh yes, and in the early evening I could hear the rumbling trainlike sound of a storm in the distance. At the same moment my skype phone connection rang and as I answered it I noticed the most beautiful Motmot bird not 10 feet away taking a dust bath in the carport. Because of the phone call I wasnt able to get a picture but I am watching for him to return. I figure if he feels safe enough to take a dust bath here, then I can relax a little. What a beautiful way to end the day. BTW the rumbling storm never came through here, it passed right by.

This morning - Friday The dogs and I took an early walk and picked some lovely mulberries. Incredible as it seams even Chester picked and ate some. They are good medicine. While picking, I was reminded of a time my CR Sister Amy and I picked berries around NYC. I am a bit of a naturalist and enjoy the process of being grateful and thankful while allowing the bush to give to me. As my fingertips gently touch a fruit and it literally falls into my hand. The ones that fall to the ground I leave for the animals. The mushy ones the bees and wasps enjoy, some especially the high ones are for the birds.

I hope you enjoy the pictures.
Keep It Simple Sweetie!

Monday, September 3, 2012

K.I.S.S...

KISS - or Keep It Simple Silly (okay i changed it from stupid because why call anyone that really).

I remind myself all the time to K.I.S.S. everything...problems, relationships, emergencies, lunch, emails, blogging... you get the idea.

This past weeks recap: I am housesitting in San Vito, Costa Rica. Anxiously awaiting my turn to travel to the USA and my next adventure - full-time rving, im so excited about exploring the US. At times it is challenging to arrange details from a distance altho with android phones and internet SIM cards nearly anything is possible.

Some of you have friended me on Facebook and are able to view pictures and posts. I am not a huge fan of public media although it does help us stay somewhat connected even if only in a driveby sort of way. This past week I dealt with a scorpion, a poisonous snake, mice or rats, bats, and a hurricane induced lightening storm! As well as trying to get my travel plans finalized. Needless to say I was simply exhausted yesterday.

The snake story was kewl because I had that snake feeling before I went to bed. I tried to shake it off as silly and simply asked the Great One to take care of the things outside of my control and keep me safe if that is his will. Then I went to sleep. I normally get up early and dawn was just breaking, it was dim still when I accompanied by the two dogs here, went for our first bathroom visit of the morning. Just rounding a corner I see IT! Knowing the only machete I had seen here was not much larger than a good chefs knife. I called and woke a neighbor for help and bring a machete please I asked in my best spanglish. Then I took pictures and sort of guarded him till they arrived. Mind you wondering why he stopped breathing, or did I just imagine that he had, then noticing the blood and wondering what he had killed, then wondering why he wasnt moving. Or why the dogs arent interested in him... the neighbors came. He was dead. I would like to think that Chester the dog killed him, but I cant really be sure. I continue to be thankful that we are not given more than we can handle. And I hug Chester a lot and thank him for protecting me every time he goes into his natural hunter mode.

Speaking of Chester - this is not the first time I have house sat with him. Chester is a wonderful altho BIG dog. It seems his owner struggels with either a place to keep him or the expense of feeding him or possibly both. I love this dog. He scares some people just with his size and sometimes he can be difficult especially if he hasnt eaten enough...you can imagine. He doesnt like sticks or brooms and hes not too fond of being handled by his collar. He seems to trust me and I respect him and we get along fine. I was rather surprised to find out that he was here after I took on this assigment. I am glad he is here.

I want to attach some photos so will try to keep this short and simple (smile).

oh and I am trying to sell a few things here in Costa Rica to lighten my bags for flying. If you have an interest send me a message and we can discuss the items. Some tools, tho not all in the pictures are available, can be seen at http://picasaweb.google.com/102909333644874328390/josh


and heres hoping for a less event filled week this week...
As always
Keep It Simple,
Simply,
Lesa

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sunday Chillin on the farm!

It is a beautiful and sunny morning here in Rio Claro.  Robert, Adam, the dogs and I are chillin today.  Robert calls Sunday his "chinese laundry" day and he has his clothes all washed and hanging on the line.  He also takes the Big Dogs for a walk out in the jungle of the farm.  When I visit the farm, Sunday morning is my turn to fix breakfast.  I made French Toast and New England Poor Folks Syrup for breakfast which we all enjoyed.

I am working on some computer projects today and testing them as well as preparing for my housesitting assignment in San Vito.  I think I be going to San Vito on Wednesday and staying about 3 weeks.  During which time I will be working out the details of my plans to become a full-time RVer in the United States.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Frustrations!

I have been in Granada, Nicaragua for almost a month now.  I came here to improve my Spanish and get away by myself for a little while.  I thought I would combine this trip with checking out a location for possibly getting residency and buying a small piece of land to live on.   I gave up.  I am tired.  Tired of people taking advantage of other people.  Tired of the rules and regulations.  Tired of being viewed as the Rich Gringa when I am dirt poor and seen as a second class citizen in my own country.  I am tired of living such a hard life.  It seems each time I help someone I am expected to keep helping or to be something or someone that I am not.  I do not want to do this any longer.


 Last year I wanted to become a full-time rver though I had some unpleasant experiences that cost me my savings and a chunk of my heart and left me deflated and running back to the familiarity of Costa Rica.  I never settled in in this past year.  I didnt really want to be there.  I didnt know where I wanted to be - but not there.  I half-heartedly hung around for  the better part of a year until I decided to take this trip.

I was glad to be on the move again although shortly after I arrived I realized I didnt want to be here either.  I really wanted to be back in the US. Parked near a lake. Sipping a glass of wine and grilling a steak.  Or even better making a pot of cowboy coffee over an open fire while watching a sunrise at 5 am.  I just dont want to be here anymore.  In Nicaragua, I had already paid for a month long hostel-spanish school with 2 meals a day package.  I found out that it was non-refundable after the fact (darn make these things clear upfront please).  So I have stayed here and tried to make the best of it, even after the spanish school turned out to be the owners friend then a week later, the owners brother in law and a week later the husband... and the emotional glitch I felt when my travel partner changed plans and left to return to the states.  While making due in the situation, I am learning somethings I did not know about Spanish, especially the grammar.


Years ago, I found a little peace when I lived in a camping situation.  I often dreamed of living in a cottage on a beach or in an RV.  I thought it was way out of my budget.  I thought RVs were expensive and although I had lived in a van more than once.  I was not sure I wanted to go that route - especially alone.  Well perhaps I dont need to do it all alone.  A couple years ago, I found Bob and the www.cheaperrvliving.com website and their forum of nomadic, green living friendly group of full-time rv or van dwellers... and again I reconnect and find some comfort in ideas that relax my mind.  I am searching for my new home on wheels and looking forward to a different style of adventure real soon.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Fwd: Blogging on the go!


Well I am finally getting caught up on my to do list!
I have been learning how to operate my new cellphone. On the list was to find an easier way to blog using my phone. This morning I think that I finally got it...so this is the official test post

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Scribbling and Doodles...huh?

I find it is so much easier to make a decision when I have more information... of course a lot of the information most of us need in life is information about ourselves.  You know stuff like what we really want, where we really want to go, or who we really want to be this time, this week or today.... once we have that information we can make better fitting decisions more quickly because we know what we want.  Try negotiating without knowing - guess who wins --- yup the other guy!

I happen to love pens and paper, especially unlined thick or handmade paper and good dark black pens or sharpies... call me wierd if you like, I just happen to like them.  The swirl of a pen stroke on paper is exciting.   When I find myself in those times of indecision, I just mark up paper like its going out of style.  I write lots of stuff down, ideas, little sketches, doodles and the like and rambling thoughts...I keep at it until I am finished.  Yes, there comes a time when I just feel done.  Then I wait a day or so and look over all the seemingly scribbled pages and take the good stuff and make of list of just the good stuff.  It is kind of kewl what I get out of those edited scribble pages and lists... I usually know myself better in some way or another and then...bingo, I know my priorities better as well...and for me - Priorities are the key to making better and yet better decisions.

Some times, like when I was considering coming to Nicaragua this month, part of the scribbling pages are budgetting scribbles. Some are the scribblings of concern for the loved ones in my life.

I have been scribbling again, a lot as I am considering the continuation of this current trip and the next couple of months.  I have been feeling out of sorts after my travel partner surprised me with the news that they could not continue because the culture shock of Nicaragua was too much for them - and possibly they truely were missing their other loved ones back in the US.  They returned to Costa Rica and to my great surprise immediately returned to the USA!  I have been traveling in Central America for about 7 years.  Last year I visited the East Coast of the US for a few months.  I am emotionally tired right now and I long for some familiarity.  sooo I have been scribbling and doodling the past few days and have stopped for now.  I am clearer about my priorities today and today I gave myself a rest, a good few hours in a pool, a pizza lunch with new girlfriends and a walk in town.  I probably will not stay in Granada very long.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Courage!

A long time ago, during a life transition, I was staying in a challenging household situation.  I began walking an hour every single morning, rain or shine in order to make this situation work for me, because changing the situation was not immediately possible.  After perhaps 6 months of walking in the dark, the cold and even the rain a car stopped, the window rolled down and the woman inside spoke to me.  She told me that she had been watching me every morning for those 6 months and that she thought I was a very courageous person.  The encouragement of her viewpoint kept me going another 6 or 8 months longer.  I looked up the word courage in the dictionary.Websters defines courage as: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.  At that time, I did not consider myself very courageous.  I had just left my exhusband which resulted in my loosing contact with my 2 young children.  I felt beat down and exhausted from emotional stress at that time and my current living situation, though better, was a different flavor of emotional stress.  During that year, I got a job picking flowers on a daffodil farm.  I was paid only for the tiny bunches of 10 daffodil buds held together with a rubber band.  I was paid either 10 or 20 cents a piece, I don´t recall exactly, though it wasn´t much.  I learned to enjoy the process of being paid for what I personally was able to do.  I wasn´t paid for my ability to think better than someone else or my ability to fight  harder to win some possition.  I was paid simply for what I actually and physically did.  I loved that job.  I loved the walking, the solitude while working, the lunch time comradere with the latino seasonal workers.  The lunch time nap in the grass was heavenly.  I loved myself.  I grew stronger in the knowledge that I was like other people.  I was capable.  I was normal.  and I was couragous for getting up every morning, walking in the dark until I woke up, returning, eating the same ole oatmeal, showering, going to the farm, being blessed to wander each day through those beautiful yellow green fields.  Seeing my work pile up at the end of the rows and knowing that I would be rewarded for my efforts.  


Courage...


As I travel alone again.  
Seeing the empty bed of a friend yet another morning, as I continue my journey....
Courage as I explore what I want for the next little bit....as I remember who I was, who I am, who I want to be....


Courage to breathe when breathing seems so hard on those days when someone tells you that you are not okay by thier definition.  Courage to challenge the blocks that are a disability - courage to continue to wake up, to walk, to smile, to step off the preverbial cliff. (or climb one - okay I will save that AT story for another time)


What are your courage stories...share in comments won´t you!

Summer in the city...

So I tried to type a blog post with my newer Android phone a few days ago, typed it twice and lost it twice.... I gave up.  Sorry to disappoint you.

So I came to Granada, Nicaragua a couple weeks ago.  I wanted to explore Nicaragua again as a possible place to set up residency because I live and travel on a limited budget from the United States.  I am disabled though it is not physically obvious.  I found a hostel that has a month long package deal for a private room, 2 meals a day and spanish lessons 5 days a week.  My adult son wanted to tag along, so we bought the package and traveled by bus from the southern pacific coast of Costa Rica to Granada.  Not a bad trip, with comfortable air conditioned buses, movies and dinner and the driver helps with the passport process at the border crossing.

I had been to Granada 3 times before and remember liking it alright.  IT IS HOT here! OMGosh HOT! and there are sooooo many more tourists than I remember.

My son had only traveled in Costa Rica so far and he experienced imediate and severe culture shock! I told him it was very different and dirtier and with horses - well - smelly.  I also mentioned that the market here was an experience that some people cannot handle...well he even had gag-response!

So he left to return to Costa Rica yesterday!

Just goes to show you that different people have different traveling tolerance levels.  You might want to consider that before you pay those trip deposits.



Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Shadows!

What is lurking in the shadows?  I was chatting with another woman this morning and we mentioned that often the stuff in the shadows is the stuff we are scared of.  Of course when we have the courage to get the flashlight and get closer and take an actual look at the 'monster', it might actually be something good --- I was told an indigenous story about a shaman's training which involved a morphing into an animal spirit to investigate other realities.  During his training a young shaman was frightened by the flapping winged, clawed, and fanged monsters that were trying to kill him.  Later the elderly shaman teacher encourged the student to take another look while in his human form.  The terrified student needed much support and encouragement before finally pulling up the emotional strength and armed with a torch of light, he timidly investigated.  Returning with smiles and stories of wonder and joy at finding that the 'monsters' were actually beautiful butterflies!

In Costa Rica we have some amazingly beautiful Blue Morpho butterflies that grace our days and serve me personally as reminders of that story.



PS:  To Translate into different languages click on one of the country flags in the upper right corner!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Wander-less?

I have been in a wandering mode for a number of years.  Mentally wandering, attempting to discover either my mistakes or a new goal in life or looking for something and not really knowing what that something was.  Physically wandering because nothing has felt like home, or felt safe enough to relax or be completely myself.  Physically trying on new locations, new situations to see if a 6 month house sit fit - nope too long a time alone, without communication, with robberies it just wasn´t safe.  Physically re-connecting with my parents to find out that I didn´t know them nor did they know me.  I had a good time with them until one of them got ill and a lot of things changed, I tried to find a solution to what they told me where their needs. Unfortunately something wasn´t satisfactory on some level and they changed plans.  I got a lovely goodbye hug and even a kiss on the cheek as they left my life for the final time.  I physically changed locations again, perhaps searching for a family that would accept me and definitely knowing that the choice to move into an indigenous village in Costa Rica would allow me to see who I was from a different perspective because I had very little Spanish language and no indigenous language.  These people where going to experience me for who I was by my actions and not by my language -- you know the talk is cheap idea... I jumped in with two left feet and struggled with my sadness of loosing my family one more time, having no one to confide in, being in a very different culture --- very different culture.  I learned a lot those 2 years and felt like it was home - just the relationship I was in was not working for me, it was more giving and teaching and work - there wasn´t much space for me to relax and no one for me to lean on.  Physical change was in order again as a 2 week house sitting opportunity came up so I took it - only to struggle with the owners constant changing of plans and of their minds about timing and no water and the added expense of running someone elses home and paying to feed their dogs and then I got bit by some bug and a hole developed in my ankle overnight, transportation was difficult in that location and I had to make a change for my healths sake.  I keep learning that my health IS my wealth.  I moved closer to town, rented an apartment and began to relax, the ex-boyfriend tagged along, which I allowed because he wasn´t too annoying although in town it was odd because there was a lot of flirting going on around me and not with me!  I started to get bored and was looking for a place to settle into a bit more when an old friend from NYC began talking to me about living on her property - making it my home  It sounded like a win-win, I am the human presence on a piece of land where she will live in the future.  I do some exploring, and let her know if the property manager is actually doing their job or not and I get to create a home where I can live the rest of my life, just as long as it doesn´t cost her or spoil her view from the top of the hill.... no prob, start working HARD put blood sweat and tears into this, my home.  My home.  When she comes she will draw up some legal paperwork so I have some general protection because it is not my property I just have use of it.  Then she comes with heavy suitcases and other stuff in mind and major illnesses and I´m living rustically, like with mud and plastic roof and .... I forgot how other people live in cities and in cultured lifestyles and I had culture shock with her and her constant texting on a cellphone and the neediness of not knowing how to get by or live with nature (and off grid)... and the ex-boyfriend was helping and the language issues and .... I had to do a border hop ALONE. When I returned I told her I could not continue this way and without some legal right to use her property I was at risk of being homeless again --- yes I have been homeless in the USA, in shelters, in campgrounds etc -- I had to move out - let my dream go - again (I wrote a poem once called Death of a Dream).  I couldn´t think, I could hardly walk.  I became so depressed.  I took a tent and a backpack and stayed on one beach or another or yet another for 3 or 4 months.  The ex-boyfriend found an education program that excited him and he felt passionate about so I helped him get settled into and then I looked for a volunteer opportunity with room and board and found a lovely Garden with an older man who grew up in Maine of all places and had lived in Costa Rica for nearly 30 years.  I was very depressed and it was hard for me to feel very helpful although I cooked nearly all the meals for the help and family and was allowed plenty of time to just vegetate in between.  I couldn´t break through the sadness and after a couple months decided that maybe I needed to go home - except I don´t have a home.  Well, I´d like to visit my family but they don´t want to hear from me (I was told at my father´s funeral) I thought about breaking the silence that I had agreed to and calling them anyway then remembered how angry they were and decided against it. (and no I don´t understand what all happened and I am learning to not mentally question it anymore, I will likely never know).  Knowing that I would likely be homeless if I returned to the US, I decided to hike the Appalachian Trail which I did for 2 months and yes some athletic people will say I was slow, and so be it.  Jeez I was depressed, crying my way up some mountains, praying my way through lightening and hail storms and learning that I DO NOT LIKE TO BE ALONE! I tried to visit with my son and be part of his new baby being born event only to be met with a strange brick, or was it more thick than that, wall of a baby´smama who didn´t even want to know me.....  And I had reverse culture shock too. I walked away from that with my backpack and attempted to visit the only sister who spoke to me then only to be met with issues from her significant other...leave again, prepared or not.  Sleep in a leaky car, with bad brakes - help a niece who actually said thank you and sends a pleasant note once in a while.  (I won´t bother the sister anymore - it probably would compromise her loyalties oh yeah and remember I´m dead to them anyway)  Then a horrible emergency experience with the car, which I sold, and a nephew´s new family.... Homeless is way better than this so off to a city with a shelter (darn again!) and I made some lovely friends in that city that I do stay in touch with although I couldn´t justify making that home it was so cold and just wasn´t home... a quick re-try at my son´s request of his situation led me back to Costa Rica:  I have been happier here than anywhere else in my life.  (and the doctor said it was better for my physical health and old asthma problems as well)

I intended to travel more when I got back to Central America, thinking that other countries may be less expensive and I might find that ´thing´ I have been looking for.  I re-visited the idea of living or renting in cities I was familiar with as well the idea of  the homestead I started on the other woman´s land only to be met with a repeat of no documentation, and no security even in a possible rental situation and to top it off, after spending yet more money, to find out that one of the locals who helped me build and did odd jobs for me and who told me when someone robbed me or was poking around - I found out that even tho I paid him, he is the one who stole from me...it was my last straw.  I love his wife as a sister AND I can no longer trust him - darn - change mind quickly.  I visited with friends and kept my eyes and ears open for whatever.... and the Garden situation came back up.

I am happily staying and helping out here.  I have a couple big projects planned, some has to do with plant and fruit use and research and stuff and another is to make a kitchen greenhouse garden with raised beds for those oft daily used kitchen necessities like tomatoes, cukes,herbs, lettuce...why are we buying this stuff? I ask.


 On a personal note, I want to be more settled (and maybe even married one day - keep the dream alive I say) so I can develop my friendships, visit more, have people visit me, share more of my life with the people I know and love.  I want to be more productive in the community and society. I love traveling as much as I love coming home to some place that is familiar, where I can be myself completely, without feeling as though I need to answer to someone or walk on those proverbial egg shells so I can continue to have a place to sleep, which happens when you volunteer or stay with other people, house sit or even rent.