along with my travel buddy who has gone ahead of me a little ways (sob). My finances and waiting on my yearly renewal license plate stickers have changed my plans so that I have to wait and will be leaving as soon as they arrive! darn and yippee all rolled into one - call that mixed emotions will ya!
I have been kind of struggling with what to blog about - or what to tell the world about my current process, because, honestly, its kind of private - tho its probably interesting as well. I find, as I grow and as I age as well, that I often return to or bump up against a subject. It seems that, for me, BIG traumas take about 2 years to work through. It also seems that I follow a kind of 'path of process'. For me to successfully maneuver my path, I need a lot of alone time in a safe place. The less physical things I have to deal with, the more thought processing I can get done. Sometimes that process leads me through old computer files of journaling or looking through old photos (now computerized as well) or kind of re-thinking the definitions of important things, words or ideas such as What do I like? What do I want? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be or not be? Who am I now? What is Home? What does Family mean? What does a relationship look like? What traditions are important to me? What values do I have now that I am 45 or 50 or 55?... now that I have traveled? now that I have re-connected with my children? tried yet once again with my siblings? or now that I have lived in New York City? or in Costa Rica?.... This Path of Process takes an enormous amount of energy and often leaves me feeling exhausted, spent, unable to do much more than eat and sleep. Of course, the process of physically moving from one home to another, or one country to another, is exhausting in and of itself.
I both dread and relish this process. I guess I kind wish I knew why I have to keep going over and over the same subjects...and then I know that other people go through similar processes as well. So its possible this is "normal" -- whatever "normal" is.
I have been blessed with many opportunities to house sit that have allowed me to work through these processes at one time or another as well. The responsibility can be too much to handle, depending on the situation or the home. My recent house sit was comfortable enough to allow a soak in a tub, some movie therapy as well as some uninterrupted computer time to simply stare at the screen sometimes or to listen to a song sent as a birthday wish a year ago or cry over a photo I had forgotten.
So who am I now - now that I have traveled, have lived in a different country, have lived in a van in the desert and finally attended the RTR? Who am I now that I have visited both my son and my daughter? What did I find out?---I am still me. I'm the Lesa I knew when I was 5 or 7 or 12...and I'm 55. I'm wiser, I think because I don't have to repeat some mistakes again. And I am still me - I still love the cobalt blue of the ocean, a clear summer sky with a few billowy clouds, sea shells and old dinged up enameled pots and pans. I still love sterling silver silverware and spoon rings and those great wind chimes that people make with the old silverware. I still love hand-blown glass. Have you ever had the experience of drinking homemade wine out of a handmade wine glass? Its an incredibly lovely moment - so is sharing a glass of hot tea and a silver spoon of honey with an old nomadic, traveling lady who has been forgotten by her family and friends in her old age. I still love handmade lace. And homespun linen. Watching chickadees. or dragonflies - just doing their thing. I still love touching the petals of a small wild daisy.
AND I still love meeting people and visiting people. I love to see how others live. I like to listen to their stories and learn how they process the life they have been given to live. I still love to travel - and explore - and to make pretty things even if its only a pretty breakfast or dinner... and I like to share, to watch someones eyes light up in surprise or happiness.
While I am waiting out my time here in New York, I have been making friends with a lovely lady who is interested in many of the things that I am which is kewl. She has even encouraged me to knit again. We have been swapping healthy food recipes and kitchen prep ideas. Cindy has an Etsy store where she markets her love of all things both crocheted and belly dance! She makes some of the most incredible crocheted items - she has a little black dress that is beautiful and I think I saw a white crocheted bikini outfit! Anyway - take a look at her site and blog please. Here is a picture of one of her crocheted belly dance costumes. If you click on the picture to visit her site, I know she will appreciate your visit.
When SimplyVan decided to stop running at the local Dunkin Donuts a couple weeks ago. John from Swift Automotive spent the better part of a day trouble shooting and making repairs. He also provided some much needed assurance that all is well with my travel partner (still talking about my van)...because I got nervous and who doesn't get nervous driving a 20 year old van all across the country! If you are in or around Syracuse, NY and need some repairs I would recommend that you stop in and see John.
John at Swift Automotive, Baldwinsville, NY
New York City is opening its parks up to camping --- is that for real? YUP, you have to apply - check it out here: http://www.nycgovparks.org/programs/rangers/explorer-programs