Especially when you are restoring a new 'home'...
And yes I am officially 'over the hill now' at 56 years old. ... where has the time gone?
I am in the waiting area at the lab. Waiting my turn for blood tests to determine allergies! Finally. I sure hope it helps.
On my early drive over here, I passed a storage building yard sale. ..kewl deals. I got a couple kewl things for my new travel trailer. ...Yes Ms Linda I bought the Scamp! I got a great deal. Of course I was nervous as that great price came complete with a project! But (think about the acronym Belief Under Transition) as I began the demolition to assess how extensive the project will be - I have been pleasantly surprised. This thing is soooooo easy to work on. So far I have done all the work alone, with my travel tools (AA battery powered screwdriver). With the exception of electrical stuff. I'm kinda scared of electrical stuff and have a healthy respect so I will work on it ONLY when it is completely unplugged. Then I have someone check my work and test the system for me. Some times I even have to walk away while it is tested. Hey I have to manage my emotions and fears - darn hypersensitivity leftover from trauma!
I have also been pleased to not feel too anxious as I processed the decisions that lead to buying the Scamp. I reminded myself to breathe and wait until I was clear about the next step. I kept in mind the analogy of a child asking their father for an ice cream. The father says yes and as the child anxiously awaits, she is thinking of the chocolate or vanilla that she is familiar with. The father is excitedly thinking about how kewl it will be to share a new flavor with his child. To see her eyes light up in response to the color of a new flavor. Then to watch her response as she tastes it for the first time. .... I don't want to limit my response to the opportunity that God may give me by only looking for my proverbial chocolate or vanilla choice. And I didn't and the process was relatively painless and I never imagined that I could afford a Scamp! And whoohoo!
I have a goal to take more pictures to share of this project so stay tuned...
To Vandweller Full-time RV land
Omgosh I am so blessed! And busy.
PS nothing to report on my health issues today. Though I am alive, I am challenged every few days with allergens, asthma and chemical sensitivities. Today is a good day.
I have been struggling with illness, my thoughts and financially. I have both a therapy and doctors appointment today. I have lost something along the way. I love to travel, to meet new people, and see new things. I seem to need health food stores and fresh produce to keep healthy and control my weight. I feel as though I have lost Lesa along the way. I have no sense of adventure. No sense of belonging. No purpose. I help people because it is part of my soul although I am tired -it feels useless now. People don't appreciate help. Its as though they don't want the hand up connected to a heartbeat and soul. It leaves me feeling sad and useless.
I have wonderful 'friends like family. You know the kind of companions you really can and do call when you need support or when something goes wrong. The people you can cry with. For me these people are scattered around the world. Mostly in Costa Rica and the United States.
My van is a great vehicle. Yet i find it is both a burden and uncomfortably small. I miss the freedom of every thing I own fitting in a backpack for traveling. My income is small enough to be more limiting than I prefer. I can take advantage of local resources for the Homeless and low incomed and yet I have to be careful that the food won't make me sick with allergies. So a portion of my income goes to support a healthy diet and keep my body and mind functioning well. I've been reminded of that the past week or so while feeling sick. Migraine headaches and fuzzy thinking bloating and weight gain and sore throat and ear aches - used to be weekly or daily struggles that I thought were under control or gone....but I let the allergy doctor put those darned pricks on my skin even when I knew I would be sick for a long time. .that was nearly a week ago. Last night I reached out to my friends and cried on a shoulder. Then I took two benedryl and slept. I couldn't eat yesterday I felt so sick. Even my home made lemonade (lemon juice, water and raw honey) made me nauseous.
I think that more and possibly bigger changes are coming.
I may even be ready to sell my van. Yes. My kewl vinyl floor, bed with storage, I repair her early. ..and she has great tires VanTucket.
I should be happy. I should be laughing. I should be doing enjoyable things. I need to live in a manageable life.
What works for Bob Wells ... I am not Bob Wells. I have lived in vans and cars and workkamped as a campground hostess many times before. Like 30 years ago-when my then husband didn't like to pay rent. And when 20ish years ago my boyfriend and I became homeless and lost jobs. I am a go getter and problem solver. I built a tiny home in Corinna Maine - I guess my ex-husband gave that away.I began homesteading in San Augustin Costa Rica -big mistake, agreements don't materialize and it was not my land. I have given and given. ..and it says 'don't become weary in well doing'
And this too shall pass!
Perhaps I am simply venting a part of my process. ..
In an effort to provide safety on the open road and in wonderful boondocking land...I have decided to rent an RV space.
What? And pay money! ? You might wonder what is happening with me. ..well if you have been keeping up with my blog posts, you know that I have been struggling with some allergies and testing. .it's not healthy for me to be driving around struggling with my being sick. Yes it is not easy for me to add this expense to my meager budget. And I think it is best for all of us. Imagine me driving while feeling all stuffy and with brain fog. I can rest more this way as well. I got a beautiful shadey site and permission to be here with my van and my tajmahal. ...I began putting them up earlier and am taking a break while its hot... I got the tent up alone. I think for now I will just use it free standing and without the rain fly...mostly because I don't have the energy to do any more.
I sure hope that the stain on the ground, that I noticed this morning under the van. ..I sure hope it is not from the van. ..because I might just break down and cry.
Now we're talking! If made the call to reschedule my testing. I spoke with the office manager and told her what had happened and how I felt. She was unaware of what happened and afterwards we discussed how serious my issues have been. ...she apologized for the experience and told me to expect a call from the doctor soon.
We then spent time discussing my history in detail. I think we were both relieved to find a possible easier way to go about helping me. She was glad to hear that i keep a food diary with notes on my reactions... she gave me more homework and said she would make some recommendations to the doctor and tell him about our conversation. I feel a lot more encouraged.
A bit of an update. ..about 11am I was called in for an appointment with the new to me, allergist at 12:30. I went thinking that it would be mostly paperwork. Surprise - processing error with insurance took most of the time. Then a quick. .sit right here and hold your arms like this is - and we're testing for environmental allergies. I see labels that cause my self protective thoughts to kick in. Those thoughts were saying 'Omgosh don't let them get that near you....you will be so very sick' I asked God to help me let go of my fear and allow him to take over the process so that I can experience the wonderful health he has given me.
So my arms are outstretched and being covered with marker dots and pricks of allergens. The attendant walks away and my pre-asthma attack lung ache starts, then the coughing, and my arms start going numb, my ear aches, my nose is (look away all you squeamish folks) running clear snot and I can't move my arms, my eyes are weeping and the attendant walks past asking it I am okay? Do I look okay? I am thinking because I can not answer. A few seconds later the Doctor walks in looks at my arms and orders a quick wash off of my arms and a holt to the test..he had to repeat use more water to wash that off and give her benedryl right away.
By now my throat is sore and I feel scared as well as exhausted. The doctor says you will need to wait outside -of course I feel rather confused and likely have allergic brain fog. He has to tell me second time. Then shows me the door - the door to outside the office? What about an appointment - he informs me that I need to call to schedule another appointment in two weeks time. I am confused and don't even have his phone number because they called me. He writes down the number for me and says I can't do anything else for you right now because you are so sensitive I can't risk even giving you more medication. You just sit here until you feel well enough to leave.
I sat down and cried for a minute while my thoughts explored why someone would make you sick on purpose and then just leave you.
And not only that but leave you knowing that you have to start over and do the same thing in 2 weeks????
I stumbled to my van with tears in my eyes. ..I hate living alone
And a woman a few feet away sitting in a car...came and hugged me - I am on her prayer list now
I am grateful for angels in people clothes!
Omgosh I was chilling and re-grouping my thoughts this evening. Nice comfortable location complete with shade tree. So I made myself a lemonade (real lemon and raw honey) and took my evenings dose of vitamins. It was nearly time to head of to my overnight parking spot so I hopped into the van and took off. A short distance down the road and my breath just stopped - if was as if someone or something sucked my breath away. I'm driving. ..Omgosh I think. ..what is happening. ..then I can feel my skin burning. ...and I feel prickly and hot...and scared really scared...and my skin is stretching and I feel my legs and arms blowing up like some weird balloon. I come to a stop at a red light and look down to see my bloating red skin stretching my clothes... I say a quick prayer for safety and guidance ..and I aim the van directly toward the hospital.
An hour later, my body returning to a more normal size and color I am released with directions to follow through with the allergy testing my new PCP has planned. I was also told not to take one of my vitamins. ..I had no idea that a vitamin could cause such a reaction. Exhausted - I drove slowly to my parking spot to take a Benedryl and pass out for the night. I feel blessed to find another vandweller I recognize to park beside.