I've had it all along. I didn't realize that I had an unspoken direction. I may not be crystal clear on the end result but it is a direction.
My buddy Al came to visit - it's wonderful to talk with someone who actually knows who I am. Someone who asks the right questions to more quickly get to the bottom of an issue. ..You see I'm not aimlessly wandering through life. Nope. I sure am not. I am on a quest to make a home. I've been trying this a few different ways over the years. The PLAN is to have a home. One of my own. I plan to make my home more comfortable than I have been in the van. Especially for those days when I feel sick or down - you understand planning for the worst then the best is a breeze.
It has been important for me to define and redefine home during this process. One home was my nightly hammock hang at the end of a days hiking. From this I learned that I can carry my home with me and walk. I also learned that although I can do that I don't want that to be my only life. So I regrouped and bought a van. I wanted a campervan - with a pop top. I got Vantucket instead. I decided to live and work with Vantucket for at least a year until I knew more about my wants and needs.
When dealing with life questions we often recognize what we don't want before what we want becomes clear. I have had a long list of I don't s like I don't want to live alone. I don't want to be sick every day or week. I don't want to poo in a bucket. ..lol
I also had a list of I miss es- I miss gardening. Or washing dishes in a sink or relaxing by reading a book while in a hammock. Somewhere along the way I knew that I wanted a home I could set up and come and go from. I have been tired of dragging my home around with me everywhere I go everyday.
I have some places I like where I could stay a few months of the year or winter. I visited before and realized that I could give my energy or money away by building something there OR using a tent OR I could take my homebase with me next time and take it with me when I leave. The Scamp project came up. Its a good plan.