I've also been in a personal funk. As part of my process of working through the funk, I made a list of things I've loved, not liked, in the history that I can remember of my life. That was a good exercise. Its an excersize that I have taught in my Personal Project Planning workshops. Its an excersize that helps you to recall the reality of your best self. It helps you/me to recall the best physical things as well as the best activities and work, even workstyle that you have experienced. Heres an example of somethings I listed in my I love it list.
- I loved the hand blown wine glasses I had made for me years ago.
- I love handmade!
- I loved my silver spoon ring (remember those)
- I loved how satisfied my work and daytime life felt when I worked on the Daffodil farm in VA. I picked daffodils 8 hrs a day!
- I loved helping Travis & A refurbish that farmhouse in Costa Rica
- I love, like love helping others. I nearly set up a 501-3C non-profit called Simply Helping Others.
- I love building a fire first thing in the morning!
- I love how quiet it is when I get up first and its just me and God alone with the sunrise.
- I love sharing my blessings with others - okay so much that I've given away stuff I needed and then had to find a way to get again. (Darn..oh well)
- I love Ozzie. He's so strong and such a survivor. And he needs me, I need to be needed.
- I loved my MR2! Darn that was a fun car to drive, and it was so good on gas. I could go nearly anywhere I wanted.
- I love clean hair
- And hot water!
- I love taking something old and kinda past its prime and making it beautiful and useful again.
You kinda get the idea.
I was feeling stuck and funky, tired of fixing on this current travel trailer when I went on my camping trip to Flaggstaff a few weeks ago. I perked up at the thought of being helpful to my friends Santa & Barb. I was nervous as well because I wasn't sure that I could remember how to do anything except feel stuck. I was pleasantly surprised to get 30 miles outside my daily/familiar territory and feel the excited relaxation of being where I belong!
I excitedly arrived at the camp area and met a Facebook buddy, Pat, then comfortably set up my car campsite for the night. I need to set up a campsite, unless we are overnighting in a stealth situation, because my dog Ozzie, who was raised in a shelter (think about being raised in jail to understand that), needs consistency to be his best. Ozzie made friends with Pat's dog, Jake and they went exploring. As Pat and I got to know each other in person, I so knew that I was back with my community. Visiting, walking and hiking, firing up the grill, fixing a meal. Cilling by the fire. Sharing coffee and news in the morning.... I was completely myself and forgot all about my funk. Moving over to a different campsite the next day to prepare for Santa & Barb's arrival, I continued to feel positive. I met up with other campers and boondockers that I knew and reconnected with some old friends along the way.
Santa & Barb came, stayed 2 nites and then left, happy with what they learned and headed to Chicago! I love helping newbies learn they can be successful and get closer to their goals.... which reminded me of my PPP workshops! And my love of helping people to step off thier proverbial cliff, to find that they can fly!
Santa & Barb left and an old RTR buddy stopped by asking for advice and my answers to her reminded me of the process I needed to do for myself to redefine my life. My stuckness was part depression (tho i have no chemical imbalances) and part lack of a goal!
What in the world has this got to do with camp kitchens, you might ask? Im getting there!
I left camp early because I was triggered by some pictures of my past life. I thought these pictures had been lost years ago. So, you might imagine the emotional overload I felt as I saw my children when they were young, or me when i was nearly 330 pounds, or the tiny house I designed and built when my oldest was 3 years old, or the rustic home in St Augustine por Angustora CR ... or the picture of me at 130 pounds holding a copy of the book I wrote. And I'm not any of those things...
I had to return home. I couldn't process all that in front of my friends in Flagstaff. When back at home my depression depened as I felt a failure with my whole life. Asking is this all there is? I refurbish this current trailer, make it comfortable for what? I can't imagine having enough money to afford a proper heating system or having the luxury of a comercial composting toilet. I've been paying down debt while truely living in survival mode for 4 years. 4 years! I know I'm nearly finished with that, but when I am finished, then what? I'm disappointed with the size of my body, with my sadness and depression... what?
I have been blessed with an affordable jetpack and mifi system and the unlimited solar power to run it, so I was catching up on Pintrest ideas until I was sick of them, then catching up on my old travel sites and cheaprvliving.com, and boatgalley.com and... days of it, till my eyes were blurry with boredom of past life ideas. Homesteading. Tiny houses. Boat living. Costa Rica and its memories. Hiking long distance. Overlanding. Prepping. Historic foods, cooking and reenactments. Raising quail. Dream camp kitchens. RVs. Vintage travel trailers. Tents. Domes. Earthhouses. Canned Hams..... arrrrg!
I am back on Facebook so I read friends posts, joined and then left groups. Read a few old books, mostly about self help or thinking....then I binge watched streamed movies and BBC period dramas. And I watched Bob Wells YouTube videos...nothing much new, and Jamie Dimon's Egmatic Nomadics videos...and Jamie was encouraging people to set a fitness goal. I wanted to but darn I dont want to fail. Then I learned that he's having another VanBuild event in early November. I wanted to go and to help but how? I can and do use tools, I refurbish trailers as a slow hobby...but last year the guys never really used my talents. I felt like I was in the way. I tried to help but I don't feel good in groups...and then BAM! It hit me, last year, I watched these guy work thier butts off and collapse with a cold drink around 5 pm. They didn't really seem to do meals...and I am really good at staying out of the way while fixing good healthy food! I contacted Jamie and volunteered to cook for the work crew.
So now I have a focus, a goal.
Now the nervousness of do I know what I'm doing, do I have the right stuff, can I really....it happens to us all, it happened and one way out is to dream big, then find your way back to reality. Hence Dream Camp Kitchens!
And back to reality I've come. So who am I? Im a traveler and hobo (when i travel i often work/volunteer), not a nomad (travel on a route returning to locations w the seasons) or rubbertramp (travel and live in something on wheels). I'm kewl. I will get back to healthier. I won't stay stuck.
I wanna share more. Go more. Live more. Travel more. I don't want to buid a house and I do need protection from the weather on my property, thats why this trailer is here. I love traveling in my car/suv, its simple, it works.
I've basically got everything that I need. Even for the VanBuild.
At the VanBuild I will need food to feed these people and I won't be able to afford doing that on my own food budget of $100 a month. I could use a couple lids for my pots and metal tongs for charcoal and a firepit poker...but most of the stuff I've got, I use it everyday. I simply have to pack it and take it.
So, Ms Katie, Im not going to create an Amazon Wish List. If people want to help, they will contact me and we will figure it out. I will accept gift cards or actual items that I can use. Cards that can be used for groceries and small items, because Amazon is pricey and I can get cheaper deals on that stuff . BigLots for Olive oil and Java Time coffee. Walmart because its close to the location and Dollar General because it's cheaper than Walmart for stuff like honey or olives or tuna. I'm human and I would so love a portable fire pit/stove like the Bad Idea Supply Co. one I posted before, or the Vortex blender or a campfire waffle iron, but truthfully I dont have to have it. The group of Nomads that will arrive are generous and would let me borrow stoves, even if I have to wear a face mask to prevent my getting sick with propane. Perhaps someone would come with a white gas stove to loan, or perhaps I will simply use charcoal with some adjustable height grill grate. And we should be able to borrow tables and coolers as well.
Im also moving around and starting to do daily walks with a goal of getting in 1 mile a day consistently for 6 days a week by the time the VanBuild begins. I think that perhaps a flaw in my charecter has been consistency. Ive traveled and thrive on change so much consistency may be a challenge.
That's enough for today,