Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Simply Morning Thoughts not an Update!

I teach a Personal Project Plan (P.P.P.) Class. Often I chose to teach at a Homeless or Battered Women's Shelter or Mental Health Wellness Center. After my nervous breakdown. ..omgosh 10 years ago this coming September/October. ..I was struggling with how to be okay.  It was odd to have the Doctor apply for Disability benefits for me and I needed the help. I guess I thought that I would work some lesson plan and over time (like maybe one year) I would be okay...whatever okay was/is.

A lot has changed in 10 years. I have traveled a lot! I have met many new people and even have learned how to not only meet them but also to develop some lasting friendships. I have relocated from Maine to Times Square NYC to Costa Rica and then to a Nomadic Vandweller lifestyle in the South West.  I recently relocated again to St John's Arizona.  For the past 6 months I have had the companionship of my Yorkie Ozzie. In the past ten years I attempted two relationships with men that didn't last the years that I prefer. I don't have tolerance any more for meanness, sly-it feels like you are hiding something or being abandoned in preference to internet porn. Oh and don't yell at me - my defenses will raise up and I will build an emotional wall that takes years or major trust work to get down. Talk to me as if I am a full capable human, even if I have a problem to solve and give me time to go think about it. I'm a creative problem solver - okay and I often forget what the other people in mainstream society are like. Ask me to cook for a crowd with minimal supplies and it'll be done - with flair!

My new life/living situation is not that unfamiliar.  I am parked on 20 acres about 30 miles from a town. I have homesteaded before and was kind of raised in a homesteading situation with large gardens, house building and expansion, bee hives and 100 chickens at a time.

Being alone on twenty acres and in very close contact with nature gives me plenty of time to process what I have been through. Experiences that feel like struggles I am often able to learn from.  Because struggling is simply when a belief does not match a truth. Thank you Byron Katie!

Knowing that repeating some process that doesn't work over and over will never produce something different and will lead to crazzy! I have plenty of time and space to examine my life and choices.  What can I change or try differently to perhaps get a different result/experience/or have a new adventure.  Okay I also have to get real. The reality of me-Lesa won't change.  Yes I am a thinker. I am always looking for a challenge as well as an adventure.  I love people, hugs, animals, nature and the natural ways, I love learning about the old ways and natural healing.  I like to make stuff - especially taking old crap and recycling it into something beautiful and useful. I'm lazy too. I don't like the weather too hot or too cold and I have learned to not complain about it.  I hate waiting for other people. I'm rather impatient. -- it's important to know ourselves.

In my P.P.P. class,  we create vision boards. Now they are not always 'boards'. They can be decorations in your personal space or home, a pretty blank book sitting near your favorite chair or bed...the important thing is that you look at your visual reminders and goals many times every day. 

Last summer I taught my P.P.P. class in Cottonwood AZ.  I created a new vision board along with my class...except with all my traveling and changes (van, scamp, van, hiking and tent, van) I have not looked at it much at all. I tucked my pages of collaged magazine pictures in a plastic file folder under my bed.  I just found them again.

and I am sharing....