Frustrations!

I have been in Granada, Nicaragua for almost a month now.  I came here to improve my Spanish and get away by myself for a little while.  I thought I would combine this trip with checking out a location for possibly getting residency and buying a small piece of land to live on.   I gave up.  I am tired.  Tired of people taking advantage of other people.  Tired of the rules and regulations.  Tired of being viewed as the Rich Gringa when I am dirt poor and seen as a second class citizen in my own country.  I am tired of living such a hard life.  It seems each time I help someone I am expected to keep helping or to be something or someone that I am not.  I do not want to do this any longer.


 Last year I wanted to become a full-time rver though I had some unpleasant experiences that cost me my savings and a chunk of my heart and left me deflated and running back to the familiarity of Costa Rica.  I never settled in in this past year.  I didnt really want to be there.  I didnt know where I wanted to be - but not there.  I half-heartedly hung around for  the better part of a year until I decided to take this trip.

I was glad to be on the move again although shortly after I arrived I realized I didnt want to be here either.  I really wanted to be back in the US. Parked near a lake. Sipping a glass of wine and grilling a steak.  Or even better making a pot of cowboy coffee over an open fire while watching a sunrise at 5 am.  I just dont want to be here anymore.  In Nicaragua, I had already paid for a month long hostel-spanish school with 2 meals a day package.  I found out that it was non-refundable after the fact (darn make these things clear upfront please).  So I have stayed here and tried to make the best of it, even after the spanish school turned out to be the owners friend then a week later, the owners brother in law and a week later the husband... and the emotional glitch I felt when my travel partner changed plans and left to return to the states.  While making due in the situation, I am learning somethings I did not know about Spanish, especially the grammar.


Years ago, I found a little peace when I lived in a camping situation.  I often dreamed of living in a cottage on a beach or in an RV.  I thought it was way out of my budget.  I thought RVs were expensive and although I had lived in a van more than once.  I was not sure I wanted to go that route - especially alone.  Well perhaps I dont need to do it all alone.  A couple years ago, I found Bob and the www.cheaperrvliving.com website and their forum of nomadic, green living friendly group of full-time rv or van dwellers... and again I reconnect and find some comfort in ideas that relax my mind.  I am searching for my new home on wheels and looking forward to a different style of adventure real soon.