How do I simply break out of depression? 9 May 2018
Hi readers.
How do I break out of a simply ugly depression?
First even though I don't like depression or my PTSD tendencies, my first line of defense is to acknowledge that that's what is happening in my life. Recognise and remember that these diseases are a part of my life. I recall that for a short time it's ok to be right where I am and for a time that happens to be under the control of a disease. The disease of depression and that of PTSD, for me, is like a 3 or 4 headed monster. A monster who reminds me that I am worthless and know nothing. My PTSD, it reminds me that I take up too much space in the universe, I never should have taken the first breath at my birth, it takes me, way to easily, back to some ugly traumas from my younger life. During this difficult time, if words are used in similar sentence structure or with similar voice inflections as an incident in my ugly past, or if I watch a movie with a scene that is similar to one of my compounded traumas ... I actually react and get sucked, as if by quick sand, into the memory and the hypervigilance of the original event. It takes ALL my energy to focus and NOT let this past bleed into the events of today.
So how can I work my way out of this?
1. Remember that I am under the influence of a disease.
2. Do things that the disease doesn't like - thanks Dell for the reminder last week.
Like what doesn't it like? Well sometimes I know what it does like better, like eating anything including stuff I am allergic to. Drinking cola, eating potato chips, not caring about anything, it hates responsibility and sunny days, it gives me massive migraines, it makes me feel like I have to fix the whole world and I can never be successful, it knows I am stupid - beyond belief, that I cannot trust my own thoughts and feelings. It wants to stay in bed for weeks, to not feed the animals and birds....
What it DOES NOT LIKE ... routine, journaling, light music, warm water baths, chamomile tea, lavender essential oil, hugs from Ozzie. It doesn't like seeing and talking with friends and a safe counselor or a safe group counseling, it doesn't like a good balanced meal - with vegetables and leafy greens and meat or eggs and perhaps a healthy bread eaten sitting down. It doesn't like going for a walk or washing my hair. It doesn't like taking care of me!
So what do I do? AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
I look for ONE successful thing that I have done TODAY!
Then I pick a friend that I trust and I text them my success!
That's it! The beginning. The start that breaks me out!
It's still a process
But that's what breaks it's ugly hold on me
And before I know it - a few days, or weeks later I'm in a different place. The process used to take years. I remember when it took two years to break free...not any longer
How do I break out of a simply ugly depression?
First even though I don't like depression or my PTSD tendencies, my first line of defense is to acknowledge that that's what is happening in my life. Recognise and remember that these diseases are a part of my life. I recall that for a short time it's ok to be right where I am and for a time that happens to be under the control of a disease. The disease of depression and that of PTSD, for me, is like a 3 or 4 headed monster. A monster who reminds me that I am worthless and know nothing. My PTSD, it reminds me that I take up too much space in the universe, I never should have taken the first breath at my birth, it takes me, way to easily, back to some ugly traumas from my younger life. During this difficult time, if words are used in similar sentence structure or with similar voice inflections as an incident in my ugly past, or if I watch a movie with a scene that is similar to one of my compounded traumas ... I actually react and get sucked, as if by quick sand, into the memory and the hypervigilance of the original event. It takes ALL my energy to focus and NOT let this past bleed into the events of today.
So how can I work my way out of this?
1. Remember that I am under the influence of a disease.
2. Do things that the disease doesn't like - thanks Dell for the reminder last week.
Like what doesn't it like? Well sometimes I know what it does like better, like eating anything including stuff I am allergic to. Drinking cola, eating potato chips, not caring about anything, it hates responsibility and sunny days, it gives me massive migraines, it makes me feel like I have to fix the whole world and I can never be successful, it knows I am stupid - beyond belief, that I cannot trust my own thoughts and feelings. It wants to stay in bed for weeks, to not feed the animals and birds....
What it DOES NOT LIKE ... routine, journaling, light music, warm water baths, chamomile tea, lavender essential oil, hugs from Ozzie. It doesn't like seeing and talking with friends and a safe counselor or a safe group counseling, it doesn't like a good balanced meal - with vegetables and leafy greens and meat or eggs and perhaps a healthy bread eaten sitting down. It doesn't like going for a walk or washing my hair. It doesn't like taking care of me!
So what do I do? AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
I look for ONE successful thing that I have done TODAY!
Then I pick a friend that I trust and I text them my success!
That's it! The beginning. The start that breaks me out!
It's still a process
But that's what breaks it's ugly hold on me
And before I know it - a few days, or weeks later I'm in a different place. The process used to take years. I remember when it took two years to break free...not any longer
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