Baja week 3 - Los Frailes Baja Sur

Since the Good Vibe Tribe expedition group arrived in Los Frailes, I have been waking up around 5 am and walking on the beach. I think that this solo peaceful wake up routine is the best.

 I feel the cool sand on my feet, the waves lap my legs, and my muscles get a work out as I move with the resistance of the sand and the water's edge.  I see this world as it begins to wake up! 

The sun begins to peak around the horizon until it becomes a full ball of bright yellow life warming goodness. I stop and face the sun fully, soaking in the morning warmth. I allow my eyes a few moments of drinking in those early morning life giving rays. The fisherman in the near by village begin to stir, a fish jumps, and the birds slowly begin to arrive. .

I feel like taking this morning slowly. I didn't feel well yesterday. I felt the chill of the afternoon sun retreating below the horizon and retreated myself inside my tiny Tracker home. I recognized some pain in my lower left leg as well as the scratchy pain of newly sunburned shoulders and tops of my feet! I relaxed watching Van City Vanlife and Tyler & Todd's latest videos, read at a book my new friend Sarah loaned me until my eyes became too blurry to read more. I turned off the light and listened to the joyful sounds of my camp ending the evening most likely with shared dinner and beach cocktails. I like safely being nearby so I can hear the laughter and sounds of people interacting. I like my quiet moments near the activity of others very much. So much that I have imagined my last day of this life having a group of people at my place and while they are enjoying themselves, I, as a very old and stylish woman, go gently to take a nap and settle down listening to the joy of others as I drift off into whatever is next.

I'm back at camp after my morning walk. Holding every muscle tight as I try to be as quiet as I can. I put on my kettle of water and hugged Melinda & Jason's puppy. I want to start the fire , I love morning fires and the air has a chill, but I won't. A morning fire might cause smoke that could disturb someone else. 

I need to take care of my personal stuff like showering and laundry and filling my water tank.. it seemed like the camp took care of these things while I was busy with something else yesterday. I don't have the strength nor the bucket to lift water up from the well that is here. I checked mapping apps and iOverlander for other options and I can take care of myself. I will look up 12V or USB water pumps as a future idea for moving water a distance for filtering. I probably will look at more food options as well - I liked the thin breakfast beef I had found. I threaded it on bamboo skewers and roasted it one morning on the coals left from the campfire the night before, and it was delicious. I can imagine hot black coffee and breakfast beef strips on skewers in the mornings!

Yesterday I worked out a problem with my Google Voice account. That number is operational again and I was able to call a friend using the camp buddy's Starlink for WiFi. It's nice to make a free call back to the states and to have a little sense of normalcy.

I keep learning new things. 

Learning about my Tracker - how capable it is or isn't!, how much tire pressure on pavement (20-21 psi) and on dirt roads (10-11 psi), how to pack it so stuff doesn't go flying around on a wonky washboard dirt road, how much and where it is possible to attach things on the outside (like my Waterport tank, or a shade tent or drink cooler - it's not a good idea to put much on the front of a vehicle if it would block air flow to the radiator). Learning about these cool clips that Candi has on her fiberglass top on her Jeep camper! I have also been working out my age old problem as a minimalist traveler who's happy with the tiny adventure rig, for having a space for inclement weather. I've considered returning to hammock camping with a tarp system - although it isn't much space for shade and hanging out. I've been through a number of tent situations/possible solutions that either took all my funds and didn't provide what I needed or were too enclosed - I so love windows and spaces with a view. I've considered a rooftop tent - I really like the C6 Rev tent in the vintage black & white camo print, it would look awesome on this rig, but I don't'need' a bed and it doesn't solve my problems either. Infact it presents the new issue of early morning climbing down for the bathroom, though it might not be so bad...I rather like my 5 am walk! I sleep inside my Tracker pretty well... I forget though that the platform for this RTT would extend away from the side of the tracker which would provide a 'tinee tiny' amount of shade??? I've been exploring a stand alone structure too...but the packages or poles are very long, one consideration is the iDome Shelter which has a 7 ft long pole structure that weighs 45#....it would have to be carried on the roof. I'm going to have a conversation with the owner of iDomes.

I am Learning to use iOverlander along with Google Maps and Google Offline Maps together... It's a little different. Offline Maps are only really available on WiFi so there's no search function for finding a gas station for example. I need to plan and set up a daily trip plan, start the navigation and not turn it off until in camp or it will turn off while driving. 

I am Learning to be part of a group - now honestly, this is my biggest and hardest challenge. Traveling in a 'convoy' has been fun as well as a pain. It's fun when the roads and vehicles and walkie talkies and traffic cooperate. We round curves like a caterpillar all neatly a similar distance apart. I can enjoy hearing the banter of the others talking about a bird they saw or a kewl tree - the borrowed walkie I have had has very short little range so I now understand why I didn't know about conversations and that I was not being ignored, the others can't hear me (I had wondered to myself). Much of my life I have been the outsider in groups, it's an emotional thing that causes me to feel sad. I would like to be a part of something. As a young girl I wanted to be part of the family. My family, my mother didn't seem to want the same thing. In school I learned that my family, having moved to the town as young adults, were what was termed 'carpetbaggers', my father's family being French Canadian also was a strike against us. It's an odd thing to explain to others who have not had similar experiences. It's also, perhaps, why I try so hard to include others. 

You likely understand that change comes when we push our 'limits', stretch until it gets uncomfortable or almost painful or truly painful. When I can control the amount of pain aiming for new growth, I might use 'baby steps ' and take it slowly a little at a time. Sometimes I, personally, break it down even more by using "Turtle Steps". Turtle Steps are slow motion baby steps. It's always forward motion and it will lead to the goal or change or growth or whatever. 

I have been in physical pain as I heal my body with an animal based, Carnivore diet. I started the trip as a strict Lion Diet and have been adjusting my diet given availability and circumstances. 

I also have been in emotional pain as I heal and grow and force myself to remember that I made a commitment to be - to stay - to stick with - a group trip and travel. I have felt pushed. I have felt left out. I have felt the unspoken frustration and possibly anger of others toward me. I have felt the divide of my difference in age, in experience, in beliefs and lifestyle, in my dietary choices which includes my allergies and my income - I have not shared any concerns about my finances with the group, and probably won't. I will be okay, I will probably use up my emergency fund before my next paycheck. 

I am learning about socializing. I don't feel like I have a good idea how to do that. I have experienced many people socializing around alcohol over the years, I kind of wish there were other options...I don't drink alcohol very often and I don't always like it. I enjoy wine off and on. But for now, while healing I have been trying to avoid it. I never have understood the idea of getting drunk as enjoyable. I think alcohol is a lovely addition to a good special meal. Like on Sabbath or a Holyday or for a special celebration. 

I keep searching my memory, online information and in my phone therapy sessions for socializing ideas. Maybe I should return to my old habit of making boiled cowboy coffee over a small campfire in a basecamp. That might be an option for morning socializing?  I am searching for ideas and ways to manage this learning and to fit in. I also loved the ritual 3pm coffee break in Costa Rica! My body likes coffee. And I like black coffee with Kahlua on a cool evening beside a campfire!

I feel like I am being tolerated. 

I would like to be enjoyed! Is that an understandable idea? And how much of this is the awkwardness or simply the pain of pushing through the unknown on my way to a growth and healing that potentially can lead to being included and enjoyed and appreciated and safe in a space with others? I really don't know yet. I'm still testing and checking what is safe and real and kind of waiting for the inevitable revelation of the actual truth that all the fun I've been having is actually a lie -- because darn that's how my family was, how my ex-husband was (which turned into physical abuse of my children and later his attempts to kill me), and how my ex-common law 2nd husband was (when I learned about all the other relationships as well as gfs and bfs and who knows what else).

Today - I choose to share in order to encourage others to simply try something - create your own adventure, take a stab at growing or healing or having a dream again! We can do this!

I am doing this!

I am here today, right now in Baja - I am simply living my adventure! I'm writing to you while listening to waves and the voices of others on the beach...I am driving my Tracker in 4x4 on beaches! I am using my Spanish, I didn't forget it!

and

IF I am doing it - anyone else can too! Simply take small steps, learn about yourself, find your goal and step out of your comfort zone in a way you can manage or with help if necessary! 

We got this!

Keep living simply!

Simply,

Lesa